You are now my official diary

since i can't tell anybody in this whole wide world, i will promote you to be my official diary.
sometimes (you really have to know that..) heart is sick of hiding problems unsolved. sometimes it doesn't have to be solved, but at least people know what you think and what you feel right now. and i chose my boyfriend instead of my best friends, because sometimes they didn't have much time or didn't even want to listen to my stories. but my boyfriend got tired of me too, literally, he is sick of me, i think.
he said that he didn't love me as much as he loved me like 7 months ago. like the first time he texted me, or called me. i want that love to grow back, so i asked him a second chance before we ended up like strangers the day after he asked me to break up. he gave it, and i used it well. he said that his love is growing fast, but it's not perfect yet. i have to wait.
he is sick, Salmonella typhii infected him perhaps so he caught fever, headache, stomachache and other complications which i don't even know, because he didn't tell me, so i asked his roommates. every single day, or even hours and they got sick of meeting me, or even when my mouth haven't opened yet, they already know what i am going to ask them.
thanks to them, i can tell everything to his mother, she worried about his son so much, even i got confused, "why doesn't she come here?" but i have to understand her business too, and this is also my responsibility of being a girlfriend, and i am honored and happy to do that. that's fine, because i love him, and he doesn't have to know about this.
every  time my school mates saw me, they always say, "what the hell's going on with you? you looked like a lonely sardine in the cool box." and once i said, "thanks, i don't think there are lots of fish in the sea, because i'm in the cool box." and then they bullied me.
things changed when he didn't there for me. i felt lonely, sad, and much more i don't even know what's that feeling in english. or maybe it's called hypophrenia, the feelings (sadness) come without any reasonable reason. i learned and pass through my german exam, the mid term exams, sometimes with no passion at all.
what i need is you recovering fast, so that i can see your laugh, smile, or even anger soon. i want to get all the happy memories back. i love you, Andika!
oh my! i almost forgot! thanks for being my official diary, blog!


sincerely,
a Hypophrenian